38 Weeks: Irritable and Ready

I am done!

 

I am done!

 

I am done!

I just want this pregnancy over, I want to see our newest family member. I'm tired of this continued pain on a daily basis and the lack of being able to do anything around the house or with my kids. Walking to the bathroom is a challenge, cleaning is impossible and laying down or sleeping in a comfortable position is even worse...just to name a few! Add in the fact that I am super irritable and don't feel like I have much of a sense of humor.  I don't want to deal with any one's attitude or problems. I am tired of selfish people, why can't I be selfish?

Did I mention the contractions in my back, the spd (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction) and SI dysfunction? Or that the last time I saw the doctor I wasn't dilated or effaced. What the crap! I feel like I am at my wits end and I want to complain but it feels like no one will listen. Most times it feels like most people don't care about me or has a genuine interest in how I am doing. I feel like people are just asking me to be nice but they don't really hear what I am saying. I think everyone else is just as ready as I am to have little peanut here. 

Aside from being irritable, I am having more panic attacks. I am so worried about the baby and the PAC (Premature atrial contraction) we found last week. If I don't feel the baby move, I have a panic attack. If I think about labor and waiting longer, I worry about the baby being under stress. I worry about the baby "deteriorating" as the doctor called it. I am so scared that I can't sleep and the panic attacks can't be controlled. I do the usual breathing exercises but for the most part I feel alone in this worry; I know that no one understands what I am feeling. OCD sucks when you are pregnant! 

I need a day of rest, a day I can relax and not feel guilty about letting or having someone else take care of the kids without me around. I need a back massage super bad and I mostly need this baby to come and say hello to the world.

Feeling sad and miserable!

36 Weeks and Prepping

Well here we are at 36 weeks and getting to the end. Isn’t it exciting? I am excited to go through labor and meet our mysterious baby. I can’t wait to find out if we are having a girl or a boy and even the kids are getting excited about the baby. The more stuff we put out for the baby, the more the kids talk about the baby coming home. It’s so great! What puts the icing on the cake is when my little guy puts his head on my belly and talk to his baby. He is going to be a good big brother, I am so proud that he understands (for the most part) that mommy is having a baby and that he will get to see it soon. If only we could get Bug to understand, she still thinks she is the baby. 

We still have so much to do and to purchase, even just the basics like stretch suits and socks. We haven’t washed the clothes or anything and logically, the baby could come any day. If feel so behind. I haven’t even packed my hospital bag yet. With the last two kids, I had it packed well ahead of time and even packed and repacked it as if I had nothing else to do. I was so prepared with the other two and with this one, I just feel like waiting until the last minute. We have discussed with the doctor inducing already and think that might be part of it. I was induced with the other two so it feels like my chances of going into labor alone are pretty slim. But I know in the back of my head its better to be safe than sorry.

On another note; I am looking into more doctors or specialist for my son. I just feel like there should be more that can be done for him. I want him to be the best that he can. Wish me luck!