I am done!
I am done!
I am done!
I just want this pregnancy over, I want to see our newest family member. I'm tired of this continued pain on a daily basis and the lack of being able to do anything around the house or with my kids. Walking to the bathroom is a challenge, cleaning is impossible and laying down or sleeping in a comfortable position is even worse...just to name a few! Add in the fact that I am super irritable and don't feel like I have much of a sense of humor. I don't want to deal with any one's attitude or problems. I am tired of selfish people, why can't I be selfish?
Did I mention the contractions in my back, the spd (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction) and SI dysfunction? Or that the last time I saw the doctor I wasn't dilated or effaced. What the crap! I feel like I am at my wits end and I want to complain but it feels like no one will listen. Most times it feels like most people don't care about me or has a genuine interest in how I am doing. I feel like people are just asking me to be nice but they don't really hear what I am saying. I think everyone else is just as ready as I am to have little peanut here.
Aside from being irritable, I am having more panic attacks. I am so worried about the baby and the PAC (Premature atrial contraction) we found last week. If I don't feel the baby move, I have a panic attack. If I think about labor and waiting longer, I worry about the baby being under stress. I worry about the baby "deteriorating" as the doctor called it. I am so scared that I can't sleep and the panic attacks can't be controlled. I do the usual breathing exercises but for the most part I feel alone in this worry; I know that no one understands what I am feeling. OCD sucks when you are pregnant!
I need a day of rest, a day I can relax and not feel guilty about letting or having someone else take care of the kids without me around. I need a back massage super bad and I mostly need this baby to come and say hello to the world.
Feeling sad and miserable!
