38 Weeks: Irritable and Ready

I am done!

 

I am done!

 

I am done!

I just want this pregnancy over, I want to see our newest family member. I'm tired of this continued pain on a daily basis and the lack of being able to do anything around the house or with my kids. Walking to the bathroom is a challenge, cleaning is impossible and laying down or sleeping in a comfortable position is even worse...just to name a few! Add in the fact that I am super irritable and don't feel like I have much of a sense of humor.  I don't want to deal with any one's attitude or problems. I am tired of selfish people, why can't I be selfish?

Did I mention the contractions in my back, the spd (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction) and SI dysfunction? Or that the last time I saw the doctor I wasn't dilated or effaced. What the crap! I feel like I am at my wits end and I want to complain but it feels like no one will listen. Most times it feels like most people don't care about me or has a genuine interest in how I am doing. I feel like people are just asking me to be nice but they don't really hear what I am saying. I think everyone else is just as ready as I am to have little peanut here. 

Aside from being irritable, I am having more panic attacks. I am so worried about the baby and the PAC (Premature atrial contraction) we found last week. If I don't feel the baby move, I have a panic attack. If I think about labor and waiting longer, I worry about the baby being under stress. I worry about the baby "deteriorating" as the doctor called it. I am so scared that I can't sleep and the panic attacks can't be controlled. I do the usual breathing exercises but for the most part I feel alone in this worry; I know that no one understands what I am feeling. OCD sucks when you are pregnant! 

I need a day of rest, a day I can relax and not feel guilty about letting or having someone else take care of the kids without me around. I need a back massage super bad and I mostly need this baby to come and say hello to the world.

Feeling sad and miserable!

28 Weeks and So happy its November!

I am so glad it is November and today I am 28 weeks, that means only 12 weeks until my due date! Next week is the beginning of my biweekly week check ups too...YAY! I love the last trimester of pregnancy. The end is so close and I can hardly wait. We are waiting until the birth to see if we are having a boy or girl and I couldn't be happier about doing so. 

We still need to get things together as far as the things we need for the baby. We are hoping to have a baby party but that is for celebrating the baby but not to expect any gifts. Maybe diapers, haha. 

More good news, Scooter is going to be going to Pre-K at our local district school. I am so glad. I will be headed over to the school next week to get him enrolled. Thankfully he already had his 4 year check up so no immunizations will be needed and he is up to date. Once he is enrolled he'll be off riding the school bus like a big kid and we'll get to go school shopping. I have no idea what Bug will do without he big brother. Looks like we'll be having a very crafty and artsy winter without him.

On another note, I am so excited for Thanksgiving. It is truly my favorite holiday of all the year. I don't even get this excited about my birthday. Side note; to me birthdays are just another day. Christmas is my least favorite. I don't like dealing with greedy people and children. People that only care about buying as much crap as possible and giving it to their kids and putting themselves in debt. No thank you! The true meaning of Christmas is for me and my family. But Thanksgiving, that's the holiday that is about people, love, being thankful and FOOD! I love food. I sometimes wish we could have two or three thanksgiving dinners in one day just because of how much I love the food. Mmm I can already smell the rolls and stuffing. 

Gobble! Gobble!

Hello Third Trimester and Hurricane Sandy

Hello third trimester, I am so glad to finally get to this point. After our recent experience with hurricane sandy i almost felt like i wouldn't make it. We lost power for about two and a half days. We had no running water, no heat and no light. We managed through it and finally the weekend was here. Thankfully the family slept through the worse part of the hurricane. So most of the heavy winds and down pouring we got happened while it was dark and everyone was content. I really cannot say hurricanes and night time are my favorite. With it being so dark you cannot see a thing. I hate this in any storm actually. We live in a heavily wooded area and it is always a fear of mine that the house will be hit by some horrible "insurance" tree. But then I think of the positives...we'd get a new roof. Which we are in desperate need of. Hurricane Sandy also brought lost of leaks in our roof, I mean they were already there but they sure helped things stay moist in the house. All in all, our experience wasn't really terrible. We got through it, we stuck together as a family and the kids didn't even miss television until the third day. I think we really could make it off the grid...if we had a wood stove.

In light of the tragedy that happened on the east coast I finally made it to the third trimester. I have been praying for some time to make it to this point and i finally did. After all, its all down hill from here. I am so glad about that. I am not the type of person to enjoy being pregnant, more like a miserable one. But in light of this, I am trying to stay active, healthy and stress free. I think I have the active and healthy thing going but the stress free, not so much. I have been contemplating a lot in the past few weeks or so and in my efforts to staying and being healthy and un-miserable during my last pregnancy, I have realized a few things, that people take advantage of others. Should I be offended by this, at first, yes I was. And then I think about my reaction to that person and realize that I have control over my feelings and my actions, not theirs. I also realized that I want my family to be less dependent on my parents. I'd like us to be as self sustained as possible. I'd like us to more independent and have more respect as adults. It feels most of the time that we are viewed as some young people that don't know what we are doing and we need guidance or help. But we don't, we have made it on our own before. I have a background in preschool education and both of us have a long history of child rearing, we do not need help in how to discipline, etc. When will people realize that just because things were done 30 or 40 years ago, does not mean it is appropriate now. If you have never been a parent, i really don't care for your advice anyway. We will and need to do things and parent on our own, without other butting in. Like I said, I've been reflecting on a lot the past few weeks and now is as good a time as ever to put my action into the works. If we need help, we will ask.

Here's to sanity in the third trimester and through the holidays. I think I am going to have to start drinking mock-tails and pretend they are real, that might help a little.